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25 July 2009 @ 12:03 am
Life In Tokyo  
So, I was going to post something about how I was really hating Tokyo, the nasty weather, the commute, the annoyances of dorm living, troubles keeping up with school, the whole burnout/death spiral thing going on, and then I remembered Liferay, and suddenly it didn't seem so bad. I'll be in Denver in a bit over a week, summer will be over when I get back, I won't be living in a dorm, and I'll (hopefully) have a much, much easier commute.

I'm still worried about school, though. I have finals next week -- we'll see how that goes. I'm resigned to a B at this point, but hopefully it won't get worse than that. I've been under water for a while (as much due to external factors as anything, but I've still gone off the rails a bit). And... Listening comprehension still isn't clicking at all (I feel like I'm at the bottom of the class, it's only the kanji that's keeping me ahead, and even that's been starting to slide a bit), I still read really slowly, and, well... I'm more than worried about finals, I'm worried about drowning next semester, because I'm already behind the power curve and I don't know if I can keep up. I feel like I'm going to have to study all summer (which, well, I was more or less planning to do anyway) just to catch up, but dunno if it will be enough. I still feel pretty overwhelmed and incompetent a lot (and really don't understand way too much of what's going on around me).

Maybe I'm just being grumpy and pessimistic because of all the stress and general lack of sleep? I do get really irritable when I'm tired. I dunno, but I'm not feeling good about it. I'm almost certainly improving, but I don't feel it, and I can really only compare myself to my classmates, and well...

Yeah. Back to studying. Well, after I sleep and sober up (needed to kill off this beer in my fridge I didn't use back when, not going to have many more chances this last week here).
In the mood: exhaustedexhausted
seishinbyouseishinbyou on July 24th, 2009 04:31 pm (UTC)
It could possibly be from lack of sleep.

I'm suffering from sleep deprivation and lost track of what day/date it is among forgetting everything. I always remember that a mini-me will pop out of my wife any day now and that I am unemployed and running out of money in a foreign country, but anything of lesser priority may be forgotten at a moment's notice.

Mayhaps you just need more sleep? (read: getting to be at a better hour; not going to bed at 3 or 4 in the morning)... /me looks at the time and realizes he is guilty of this same thing.
Douglas Triggs: totallydoubt72 on July 24th, 2009 04:40 pm (UTC)
Oh, that's a big part of it, and the main reason why I went off the rails in the first place -- the dorm is noisy, and I have a lot of trouble sleeping here. I didn't have too much trouble at the beginning of the semester, but now, as the stress has gone up... Well, it's not good.

I'm not really getting enough sleep to function properly, which makes it harder to study, which makes me need to study more, which makes me even more tired, which... I don't respond well to sleep deprivation at the best of times -- Ai might have a few choice comments here.

I think the word for this is 悪循環. But I feel your pain, I've been somewhere in that neighborhood before, too.
Aifebruaryfour on July 25th, 2009 10:35 am (UTC)
Ai might have a few choice comments here.
I'm not about to be smug, I can't last all that long without sleep either. I can, however, sleep through fire alarms and can pretty much ignore any noise if I've been drugged with a sleeping pill, so I have one up on you there.
Douglas Triggs: art headdoubt72 on July 28th, 2009 07:16 am (UTC)
Once I fall asleep, I'm like the dead. It's the whole falling asleep part that's difficult.