Douglas Triggs (doubt72) wrote,
Douglas Triggs
doubt72

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Why I Still(?) Shouldn't Be Allowed To Write Poetry In A Language That Isn't Native To Me

So, for my Tai Chi class "final," I wrote some really horrible haiku (in Japanese, duh, what other language can you write haiku in? Next thing you'll be telling me that sonnets are great in Japanese. Oh, yeah, the iambic pentameter sooooo works in a language with no syllable stress, you-non-mora-using monkey-language-people!)

Ahem. Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah, haiku. Of course, I wrote it all vertical and stuff, since any other way would be wrong, but here's what I came up with (five haiku, one for each element):

春の風鳥や花見や緑の木
どこも音祭りが光る花火咲く
土湿る生命の鉢そして気も
変色落日落ち葉全て金
寒水と流動冬物静か

Pretty awful, I know! Especially that last one, yikes -- complete gibberish. But I snuck in the character for each of the Chinese elements into each of the haiku (木火土金水 -- although in one case I used an alternate reading), and also snuck chi/qi (氣 or 气 -- well, the Japanese version, of course, which is ki or 気) into the middle there. I'm so proud, it's sad. Even though I kinda did it wrong, left out the seasonal codewords (季語) and all that.

Oh, I suppose most people here can't read Japanese (you whiners). So I guess I can translate and stuff:

haru no kaze, tori ya hanami ya, midori no ki
wind of spring, birds and flower viewing and, trees of green (so inane!)

dokomo oto, matsuri ga hikaru, hanabi saku
everywhere sound, festivals shine, fireworks bloom (okay, I kinda almost like this one)

tsuchi shimeru, seimei no hachi, soshite ki mo
dampened earth, bowl of existence, and also spirit (um, well)

henshoku, rakujitsu ochiba, subete kin
(fading) change of color, setting sun fallen leaf, all gold (well, I guess)

samu mizu to, ryuudou fuyu, monoshizuka
water cold and, winter flowing, a still thing (yuck!)

Yeah, there's a reason I'm not a poet.
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