July 25th, 2009

bad egg

Life In Tokyo

So, I was going to post something about how I was really hating Tokyo, the nasty weather, the commute, the annoyances of dorm living, troubles keeping up with school, the whole burnout/death spiral thing going on, and then I remembered Liferay, and suddenly it didn't seem so bad. I'll be in Denver in a bit over a week, summer will be over when I get back, I won't be living in a dorm, and I'll (hopefully) have a much, much easier commute.

I'm still worried about school, though. I have finals next week -- we'll see how that goes. I'm resigned to a B at this point, but hopefully it won't get worse than that. I've been under water for a while (as much due to external factors as anything, but I've still gone off the rails a bit). And... Listening comprehension still isn't clicking at all (I feel like I'm at the bottom of the class, it's only the kanji that's keeping me ahead, and even that's been starting to slide a bit), I still read really slowly, and, well... I'm more than worried about finals, I'm worried about drowning next semester, because I'm already behind the power curve and I don't know if I can keep up. I feel like I'm going to have to study all summer (which, well, I was more or less planning to do anyway) just to catch up, but dunno if it will be enough. I still feel pretty overwhelmed and incompetent a lot (and really don't understand way too much of what's going on around me).

Maybe I'm just being grumpy and pessimistic because of all the stress and general lack of sleep? I do get really irritable when I'm tired. I dunno, but I'm not feeling good about it. I'm almost certainly improving, but I don't feel it, and I can really only compare myself to my classmates, and well...

Yeah. Back to studying. Well, after I sleep and sober up (needed to kill off this beer in my fridge I didn't use back when, not going to have many more chances this last week here).
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    exhausted exhausted