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10 June 2006 @ 02:28 pm
I was going to post about today's hike. Nothing terribly intersting, saw another rattlesnake, was somewhat troubled to see a nearby forest fire that I'm guessing started this morning, etc., etc.

But then, on the road back, I got a call from my brother, telling me that my dad was smeared across a city block yesterday by a cement truck.

I've been through a dozen emotions in the last couple of hours, none of them good. I'm starving, but too naseated to eat. I almost had to stop driving on the way back, because it was getting so I couldn't see where I was driving. Any way you look at it, I'm an emotial wreck.

The worst thing is that I don't actually know for sure -- all the circumstantial evidence points to it being my father (nobody's seen him since yesterday afternoon, the bike from the news looks like it could be his), but there's almost nothing left to identify, so we're just not sure, and finding the right people to talk to has been difficult. My brother's trying to find out what he can, and if the worst is true, I'll probably be driving back out to Kansas City very soon.

In the mean time, I'm dreading the phone. And I don't know if I should go ahead with tonight (or tomorrow's) plans, or really what I should do. I know I shouldn't stay here and, well... But, on the other hand, I'm afraid if I go anywhere, I'll break down.

So here I am, posting all of this on LJ, because talking about this with anyone just right now would be too difficult.

I used to have nightmares about something like this happening when I was a kid, after my (step) mother died. I'd forgotten all about it -- apparently I'd successfully buried all of that a long time ago -- but now it's all coming back. Shit.
In the mood: draineddrained
idonthave1hereidonthave1here on June 10th, 2006 05:08 pm (UTC)
Wow. Okay, so now I know why you might not be going tonight. I hope that it wasn't your dad...by some wacky chance of luck,... but that would still mean that happened to someone in the first place. *hugs tightly*

If you decide that you can't come tonight, I'll completely understand. Things like this can happen again..we can always go to karaoke again before Evan leaves us. I wish I was much better at giving consoling words...but I really suck at it, so I will just let you know that I can always talk if you decide you want to.
hamanosilencehamanosilence on June 10th, 2006 05:11 pm (UTC)
I do not know what to say right now .... Normally I would be on the side of hope.. saying like " He wasn't it ..." but ... damn

I guess saying "I hope you get well soon" will not help anything ... that really sucks ...
Amyamyirene_40 on June 10th, 2006 05:14 pm (UTC)
Doug, I'm so sorry. I hope the uncertainty is over quickly - I don't even want to imagine the shape I'd be in if I was waiting for confirmation one way or the other.

Take care of yourself.
Laurel Amberdineamberdine on June 10th, 2006 06:55 pm (UTC)
Oh, that's horrible. :( I have no idea what to say. I hope you find out what happened soon. I hope you can get together with some of your family and cope together in the worst case.

Take care of yourself. I'll be waiting to hear more whenever you know, and can share.
Allison Steinastein142 on June 10th, 2006 08:19 pm (UTC)
dragonet2dragonet2 on June 10th, 2006 10:11 pm (UTC)
Oh baby
I'm soooo sorry. You know you have a free place to stay while you are in town if you come over.

Sending e-hugs across the eways. Wish I could be there with you.

We love you, and our thoughts are with you.
Douglas Triggs: atomsdoubt72 on June 12th, 2006 12:40 am (UTC)
Re: Oh baby
I may be taking you up on that in a couple of days. I think I have your number, but I suppose it wouldn't hurt to drop in in an email (send it to douglas@triggs.org, that's my canonical email address, but they all go to the same place, really).
DeeDerangedeederange on June 10th, 2006 10:26 pm (UTC)
I am so sorry Doug, I can't imagine what you are feeling right now. David and I will keep you in our thoughts.
asakiyume: mirokuasakiyume on June 10th, 2006 11:52 pm (UTC)
That's terrible--I'm very very sorry. Will you be with your brother in the next few days? I hope you'll have friends or family with you. I'll be thinking of you.
Kyaa the Catlord: kyaakyaathecatlord on June 11th, 2006 11:18 am (UTC)
Holy crap, I've not met your dad, but I love your updates on him. Except for this one. Here's hoping for the best.
redfiermaredfierma on June 11th, 2006 06:58 pm (UTC)
I'm so very, very sorry. Please let me know if there's anything I can do for you.